Sunday, December 21, 2008


It hurts..
Why am I feeling this way..
Waking up to this emotion..
I need a road of my own..
I need to get away..

This feeling comes and goes..
As does my mood swings..
Why am I always doing things..
That my brain tells..
But my heart never follows..


Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I don't know if it is coincidence or what but I just had a dream, few dreams actually, about important people in my life disappearing. In my first dream, I was out with Robb and Zuzu to some place which I can't really remember. It felt very nice to be spending time with both of them, until I got separated with Robb. I tried to find my way to him but somehow the paths were either blocked or heading to other directions. I felt so lost and worried at that time, having only Zuzu at my arms. I then put him down awhile just to look around the area, and when I wanted to pick him up again, he was gone as well.

I was crying, feeling very confused and sad, having no idea of what was happening. Suddenly, my dream took me back to a place which looks a little like my house. After that, I got a call from my housemate, Justin, who is also a good friend of mine. He called to say that he had already moved out and was never coming back. Tears were flowing down my eyes and I could hear him sobbing as well. I think I tried to ask him to stay but he said he had to move. We went silent for quite some time, hearing nothing but the sound of both our sobs. Then, I woke up from that dream, went to ask him if he was really moving out, and he said yes. =.=

Eventually, I woke up again to the sound of my handphone ringing, realizing it was another dream. Feeling blue, I answered the unknown number and a girl which sounded like she was from China started speaking to me real fast. I told her I did not understand Mandarin and hung up as I wasn't at a good mood, having all those depressing dreams. I looked around and was glad that everything is back to normal. Justin was just about to head out as well, leaving only me and Zuzu in the house as Robb was working already.

Am I having all these dreams because I'm feeling lonely? Robb is leaving to Singapore tomorrow with his colleagues and won't be back till Sunday. Justin will be going to study in his friend's house most of this week as he is having his exam, and will be heading to Johor this Sunday. Maybe those were the keys to unlocking such depressing dreams in me. I don't know, but I'm already missing Robb. I've been seeing him every single day for so many years, it's hard to be apart even for few days. But I'm glad I'm not alone, having Zuzu to be with me. We'll be waiting for your return, so, enjoy your trip ok? ^^


Friday, December 05, 2008


My new addiction..