Sunday, April 29, 2007

Black Eyes Zach..

Nice eyes? My eyes are going to be like that sooner of later if I continue staying up till early in the morning.. No idea why I can't sleep.. Felt tired.. But just not able to drift into my dreamland.. Sigh..


Monday, April 23, 2007

Dream World..

"Pisceans tend to withdraw into a dream world.."

A dream world is a place where all our thoughts on how life should be come to life.. We tend to mould a perfect place in our dream world where everything happens according to our idealistic thoughts.. But when we dream too much.. As such for a piscean.. We mix up our dreams with reality.. And when that happens.. We mix up our expectations as well.. Expectations that would seldom be achieved in reality.. When things don't go the way we expect them to be.. Our mood starts to crumble.. As such.. I'm not in a very good mood now..

"Their natures tend to be too otherworldly for the practical purposes of living in this world as it is. They exist emotionally rather than rationally, instinctively more than intellectually."

Few weeks back I wrote a post about friends.. Through that post.. It might make someone feel as if I'm someone realistic.. Someone who don't depend on their friends that much.. Someone who treats their friends just like anyone else.. But deep inside.. I'm someone who is never rational.. Someone who is weak.. Someone who depends on his friends.. Someone whose mood is always affected by the people around him.. Someone who needs recognition from his so-called group of friends.. Someone who wants to feel that he belongs to the group..

"Their faults are exasperating rather than vicious. They can be oversubtle, oversensitive and overemotional."

During the start of my 1st semester in my new course of education.. I was quite happy as I felt as if I belong to the group of people that I mix with in my class.. But as time passes by.. The feeling of being isolated starts flowing in.. Some might say I'm too sensitive but from the looks of it.. What I felt is true.. I can't judge whether it was me or them who changed as I would be influenced by my own feelings.. So I asked one of my friend as he felt the changes too.. I asked him whether it was me drifting away from the group or was the group drifting away from me.. He didn't know as well and told me not to think so much.. What else could I do then..

Life is mean.. You do so much to adapt to the majority.. You speak Mandarin to them.. You help them out in assignments.. You do them favors.. You kept them well informed of the happenings in college.. And what do you get in return? What do I get in return? Nothing.. No acknowledgement from anyone.. To get them to speak in English with me is hard enough.. Asking them to practise Japanese with me is like asking them to swim to Australia.. To make things worse.. We have another Japanese paper coming soon in our 5th semester.. And now I can't even remember the basics that we learnt.. Why? I have no one to practise with..

They didn't even plan something for me for my birthday.. When I invited them to go for dinner at Pizza Hut with me paying half the amount.. They even declined my invitation when they have nothing to do at home.. It might not seem important for most people but for me.. It was a very important day.. Even Robb's classmate came.. My group of friends? Lost.. Maybe I wasn't in their group in the first place.. Maybe they find me out of their frequency.. I just don't belong anywhere..

Even Justin seem to be closer to them these days.. I consider him and Yi Kang to be 2 of my closest friend in college.. But for Justin to be staying under the same roof with me.. I got too used to his company.. It might be due to this that I'm feeling a little jealous as he has been mixing around with them more than me these few weeks.. I have no right to say who is he to mix with and not to mix with.. But still I'm jealous of him.. Jealous that he has so many people to chat and laugh along with..

"When they feel themselves rejected, lonely or failures, or simply through feeble self-indulgence, they will find refuge in drugs or the bottle."

Exams are just around the corner and I still haven't started reading anything.. I guess I should just drop all these nonsense and concentrate on my studies.. But as you know.. All is easier said than done.. Now I just feel like walking down to the nearest 7-11 and buy few bottles of alcohol to drink while listening to Linkin Park's songs.. Drugs are definitely a no-no.. Maybe I should just finish up the remaining Jack Daniel's on top of my fridge and go to sleep.. That should do.. Sigh.. Goodnight..


Saturday, April 21, 2007

Sense Of Belonging..

Somewhere I Belong
(Linkin Park)

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Repeat Chorus]

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

[Repeat Chorus]

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

Lazy to write out what I've been feeling these few days.. So.. This song explains it best.. Goodnight..


Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Random Shots..

Just some shots that I took with my handphone.. Feel like sharing it with you guys since I myself loved those pictures.. XD Hope you all like it..