Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Last Week of 2010..

Last weekend was quite relaxing and enjoyable. I sort of organized a small steamboat dinner with Robb and some of my online friends during Christmas Eve in Xiao Fei Yang. Not all of them know each other, so I was afraid that it might get awkward, but I'm glad that it turned out fine. The usual ones were there, Jason and Evan, as well as two other Jason's, one which I haven't met for a very long time, and another one who stays nearby my house. There was Marvin as well, a friend which I've been chatting online with but just met up on that night. The food was quite nice and wasn't really that expensive as I've thought it will be.

Some of us went to Market Place after dinner that night, and there wasn't really much of a crowd there. Although it was a Friday night, we thought there would at least be more people there since it was a Christmas eve. We had some problems going in as Marvin was still below 21, but we managed to sort it out. He was kinda the main attraction in our group that night as almost everyone was all over him, literally. I find him attractive too, but felt envy towards him as well as I don't think I've ever had this much attention.

Come to think of it, I've always had this feeling of being envy of other people's life. The good looks that they have, they places they have been, the friends they have, etc. When I feel this way, my self esteem reverts back to what is was when I was in secondary school, which is very low. When will I ever learn to feel good about myself? My career is nothing great, but at least I have a job. I have a very fantastic boyfriend of 5 years and two cute dogs which most people would be envy of. As for friends, I can't say I don't have any, just not really close ones that I can find to hang out with all the time.

I guess the only time when I feel good is when Robb is around me. Maybe I should hit the gym more often to tone up my body as well as my confidence.With the year ending, most people will be making their new year resolutions. Maybe this should be one of my main things-to-do that I should stick to, besides finding a new job. Well, I guess I should live the remaining three days of the year 2010 as much as I could. What should I do on New Year's eve? Hm.


Thursday, December 02, 2010

Christmas Mood..

With a blink of the eye, it's already the last month of the year 2010. It will be weeks before Christmas but I can already feel the holiday mood in me. Still no plans as usual, and I think it's gonna be just me and Robb again. It has been this way for a very long time, celebrating holidays with just each other. It's not that I don't appreciate being with him, I'm very happy that we've spent all our holidays together. It's just that sometimes I need to feel that I belong somewhere else as well, maybe like a small group of close friends that can hang out with us during such festivals, or go on a holiday trip somewhere.

Robb will be going off on a company trip next week, and I'll be home alone from Monday till Friday. He bought one World of Warcraft account for me to play so that I don't get bored as he knows how much I love playing online games. It's nice, but I think it won't replace the feeling of having someone around. I've been moody lately, especially when I'm left alone at home or sitting alone at work. It feels as though the depressed side of me from my teenage years have caught up with me, and it's not a good feeling. Guess it's back to emo posts.

Merry Christmas.