Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Semester Break..

Two more papers and then I'm out of this sad place, at least for a few weeks. I have been very emotionally unstable for the past week after those unfortunate events. Thankfully, I have Robb to see me through and giving me the strength to hold on.

As usual, I'm up this late doing last minute revision for the paper tomorrow. All these late nights are making my body weaker than it already is. Been feeling uneasy and adding in the moodiness, it kinda gave Robb a hard time cheering me up. Sorry dear.

Chinese New Year is coming and the weather is as hot as ever. Been thinking of going swimming when I'm back in Penang. It has been awhile since I've done any healthy activities and I wonder if I'll ever start doing any regular exercises again. Maybe this Chinese New Year will give me a fresh start to do everything that I had intended to do. Hopefully it is a better new year for me than the "English New Year".

I have a lot to do tomorrow. Going for my paper at 9.00AM, look for my lecturer after the paper, follow Yi Kang to Raja Chulan, go look for clothes, and going for a gathering with my Perfect World guildmates in PJ for dinner. I wonder if I could stay awake for the entire duration. Maybe I should get some rest. =\

がんばって ください!


Thursday, January 24, 2008

You Used To..

You used to tease me a lot..

You used to say goodnight..

You used to call me Fei Zai..

You used to crack my bones..

You used to eat dinner with us..

You used to go out for movies with us..

You used to ask me about things you don't understand..

You used to make us Nescafes in the middle of the night..

You used to drag me to gym no matter how many times I refused..

There are a lot of things that you used to do.. But not anymore.. Things have changed.. Even before that incident..


Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Nothing good comes out whenever I start blogging. All you see are sad and depressing stuff. I am currently having exams and thus am awake for the whole night doing last minute studying. With so much time on my own, I start to think of what lies ahead of me, as well as everything that has happened.

For a start, I realized that I never really belonged to any group of friends. Whenever I see people with a group of their own I tend to feel envious. Even though I'm glad I have Robb with me, I still feel lonely sometimes. Due to the recent happenings, I felt even worse. You could say that I lost a friend whom I am really fond of for quite some time. Things are just not the same as it used to be.

After my exams I will be heading back to Penang for a short holiday as well as for Chinese New Year. I guess I would be staying home a lot then. Before you know it, I will be back in KL, doing my industrial training. I have never worked before, not even a part-time job. My fear of stepping into the working life is starting to shroud around me again. I never really knew why I felt this way.

How will my life be? What is it like to be working as a trainee in a travel agency? What am I supposed to do there? Will I be able to handle the jobs given to me? So many questions and yet all the answers are unavailable to me. I know those are silly questions but they keep popping up from my brain. Will my friendship with Justin ever recover to what it used to be? Will I know more people who will eventually be close friends with me? Will history repeat itself? Sigh..

I've become more and more anti-social I guess. I used to have lots of people to mix with. Now I'm just becoming one of those people with no life, playing online games and chatting with people through my new Personal Computer. When will I ever be able to speak up to so many people in reality? I can crap a lot when I'm chatting through MSN but when it comes to real life, I'm entirely different. Why is that so? I have no idea. Maybe having been depressed few years back made me into a person with several layers of walls to protect myself.

It might feel nice to be hiding behind a protective layer, but curiosity always makes you want to tear down those walls and see what happens. Sometimes it does work, tearing down those walls, but after awhile things start to happen and the walls start to build itself up again. I guess I'll be trapped inside this wall forever, hiding like a small kid who is afraid of the world.

Guess I'll go back to my studies now. Hospitality Law paper in 4 hours time. Pray I don't flunk like my Japanese paper.




Thursday, January 17, 2008

Fuck You!

Give me back my files!!

Angry and sad..


It didn't start out quite right for me this year. Having my laptop stolen is something that will affect me for a very long time. Those who really know me would know that I treasure my laptop as if it was my second heart. All the pictures that I took and kept for so many years were kept in my hard disk. Not forgetting those animes which I spent so much time downloading were all inside my hard disk as well. Every single file that I kept inside my laptop is a part of me, and now, it's all gone.

The shock of losing so much in one single night, is unbearable. The worst part is that the door was not even broken! Somehow, he/she/they had the keys to easily walk into my sanctuary and take my most important possession. I was out of words when I woke up to find my table empty. I went all blank and cried.

No doubt I have my suspicions of who is responsible for this thievery. It all started few weeks back when Justin gave a girl his keys. The girl had been staying over for consecutive nights and was walking in and out of the house as if she were staying here for good. After Robb lost his keys INSIDE the house, logically she would be the first one to be suspected. I told Justin about it he defended his "friend" by saying that Robb might just had misplaced his keys. FINE. But I still told him not to let the girl stay over for so long as it is not her house. Justin PROMISED me that she will not come over to stay again and after that things just went on fine.

But on that night before my laptop was stolen, SHE appeared again. I was quite irritated as Justin broke his word, but I just let things be. The next morning, my laptop along with RM200+ cash was gone and the door was not even broken. Who do you think I would suspect? I don't believe in coincidences. If Robb's key were misplaced somewhere in the house, the only possibility is that Justin's friend duplicated his keys when he passed it to her! And there is also the possibility that the girl took Robb's keys when she came the other night! She can just pass the keys to one of her friends and come over to sleep to prevent herself from getting blamed.

I told Justin about this and he says I'm moody and emotional at that time and don't wanna talk about it. He still defends his "friend" and believes that I'm in the wrong to blame her. When I told him not to ever bring her over again or I would chase her out, he felt that I'm blaming him for my loss. Robb told me maybe Justin feels bad as me and the girl are both his friends and he doesn't know what to do. Well, he didn't seem like he feels anything at all except for when I talk bad about his "friend". He didn't even care about how I felt. If he did, well, he's not showing it.

Now I'm beginning to doubt if he even thinks of me as a buddy. Sigh. If that is so, there is no point of me having to ever talk to him again unless it is necessary. Exams are just around the corner and I'm still hanging around playing Perfect World to avoid thinking about those events that will make me moody. How am I to study? I am thankful though that I have Robb around with me. If things were to turn this bad and he's not in my life, I guess I would have broken down and drown in a sea of sorrow.

Another problem would be having to find a new housemate. Christy will be moving out at the end of January but she only informed me today. How the hell is she going to find another person to replace her on February? It would be hard for us to even help her get a replacement as most people will be going back to their hometown for Chinese New Year. Sigh. Even if we managed to find one, he/she/they might not even be compatible to us. It's just the beginning of the year and yet so many problems to handle.

Angry and sad..