Monday, January 19, 2009

5 Hours..

I'm gonna face that lousy Japanese paper, again, in 5 hours time. I've already read as much as I can, but not enough as there was no one to guide me. Sigh. I hate the feeling before exam. I may look calmed, but my head feels like it is going to explode. I can't sleep well, and woke up to feel as if my body and mind haven't slept at all. I don't wanna fail again. Stupid paper. むずかしいですね!


Thursday, January 15, 2009

New Friend(s)..

Lately, I got to know a couple of friends through blogs, or more specifically, through Robb's blog. It is always nice to know new people, especially if they are good looking and not too "lansi". I have been chatting with them through MSN and Skype for the past few days.

One of them is Shiuji. He's an average looking Ipoh boy who is currently working in Singapore. He understands Japanese which he learnt from watching dramas, and it is nice as I get to practice with him through MSN. He loves to cook and eat, just like me, but he is now trying to improve his own outlook by going on a diet and exercising. Well, I wish him all the best and hope he doesn't do it the wrong way. Do it for yourself and not because other people says your not good enough ok? :)

Another guy I got to know is David. He's from Vancouver, few years younger than me, and quite cute if you ask me. I have been on cam chat with him through Skype for the past few days. He likes to listen to us Malaysians speak in English, as he felt that it is special. Like when I said words such as "already", he'll smile and said that it sounds cute. On the other hand, I like the way he speaks. It's not the typical English you hear around Malaysia or Singapore.

It is nice to have someone to speak to instead of just typing and chatting online. It has been awhile since I've actually spoken to someone new. Although we don't have much in common, we still have things to talk about once awhile. David would be asking me to study when we are chatting, as my exam is next week, or four more days to be exact. I won't feel so bored this way as in a sense, I'm not studying alone.

I was chatting with him just now as he fell asleep on his bed. He looked so innocent. LoL. Since I had nothing to do and his webcam is still on, I took a picture of him sleeping, although it's not that clear. He had his picture taken this morning as well by one of his friends as he was sleeping in class. Poor David. :P

He gave me a link on YouTube before he slept, which I thought was a very cute video clip. What do you think?


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Just Another Day..

Woke up early today to have breakfast with Robb at the market downstairs. It has been awhile since we had the Curry Mee there. Although it is one of the nicest that I've tried in KL, I still miss the one in Penang. Oh well, I will be going back to Penang soon for Chinese New Year. Robb had to leave after he finished his food as he was already late for work. Since I had the time, I thought why not buy some food back to cook dinner for my dearest.

I'm not a very good cook, as I only know a few simple dishes. Been cooking the same dishes over and over again. Boring huh? I'm trying to cook a soup that we never had before tonight. Hopefully Robb likes the Lotus Root Soup. We never had fish before too, as I don't eat seafood and it is quite troublesome to cook it. Lots of people said that I am stupid for not liking seafood, especially since I am from Penang where there are lots of fresh and tasty seafood.

Last night during dinner with Robb at the hawker stalls below our house, I noticed something funny on the table. They had those table menu for their drinks on it and I noticed some of their spelling as well as grammar mistakes. Sorry for any in conveince? I wonder what that means. LoL. Robb said it is mostly done by TAR College students, as most of them are bad in English. Even though all our subjects are done in English, they usually speak in Mandarin or Cantonese among each other. We can hardly find any English speaking friends around our area. Sigh.

I will be bringing Zuzu back to Penang with me this Chinese New Year. Hopefully he likes it there. I plan to bring him out for walks around the park, give him a ride on my motorbike, and show him off to my small cousins. They would definitely love him. Hence, I brought Zuzu to have a haircut last week. He looks so much neater now than before as his hair was long and messy. I will be going back on the 24th with my uncle, and won't be able to come online that often unless I go to the cyber cafe as I can't be taking my whole PC back home. One thing for sure, I will definitely miss Robb.

Dear, you will miss us too right? :)


Thursday, January 08, 2009


Looking through my secondary school friend's blogs, as well as other friends' blogs, I feel jealous. Jealous that everyone is moving forward with their lives, getting a good degree, landing on a good job, traveling to places and etc. As for me, I'm a nobody, and has nothing to be proud of.

I was considered one of the goody-two-shoes boy who was smart and clever during my younger days. My parents had always had high hopes of me as my grades were considered above average and were better than all my other cousins. I scored in exams without much hard work, didn't give any troubles to my parents, and was enjoying life and taking it easy.

Everything changed since Form 3 started. I started to feel depressed, to feel lonely. Mood swings come and go, and I hardly smile since then. When I walk, my head would be looking down on the floor, just like my mood, instead of looking forward. I had friends, but somehow, my circle of friends keep changing each year. I never belonged anywhere, drifting from one group to another.

My results were still alright, just not as good as before. My parents were worried at a point that my mum came to ask me what was wrong, why do I look so sad all the time. I could not answer. I had mixed feelings, was confused, and cried myself to sleep most of the nights. I could even cry when I listened to sad songs on the radio when driving. Why? Partly due to the fact that I could not accept myself for having feelings towards guys and another part of it, I have no idea.

Few years later when I entered college, I started to feel better, as I told my dirty little secret to some of my friends, and they accepted me for who I am. I slowly learned to accept myself as well, and my emotions were not as shaky as before. More people knew later on, some of them were told by me, some of them guessed, and some of them couldn't keep their mouth shut and spread the news themselves. I've heard nasty things behind my back, but I chose to ignore it. I've learned to be invisible.

Even so, I've felt that I've never move a step forward from since the age of 15. I feel as if I'm stuck in a bubble, hiding inside it for it's protection. Everything I do, never seemed to go to the next level. Played tennis and was good at it at first, but stopped later on as somehow I seemed to be getting worse in it. Same thing goes for bowling, my average score was 150 to 180, even reached 225 once without any training. But after that everything seems to go down the drain as I can't even reach 100.

Being the lost boy I am, I didn't know what I want to be when I grow up. So my mum asked me to see the school counselor to seek for his advice on what to study when I entered college. Somehow, I ended up taking accounts. I did ok for the first few semesters as I was good in maths, but at the last few semesters, I just barely got through it.

Thinking I would do better in KL after finishing my diploma, I continued my advanced diploma. I thought I would have no problems living with other people as I was used to sleeping over at my friends' house during secondary school but I was so wrong. Things start to take a turn for the worst between me and my housemates/friends, lost interest in my studies, and did nothing but played all day long.

Again, I made my parents worry. I met Robb after that, and he managed to save me from drowning myself with depression again. I took up another course, and did quite well in it. The subjects were quite interesting but I had problems with the Japanese paper. Soon after, I was to do my internship in a travel agency. It was not what I had expected to be, as nothing was relevant to what I had studied at all. The job was boring and I had some problems in communication.

Now, months after my internship had finished, I'm still doing nothing at home, did not manage to get my Diploma in Tourism yet as I still had a Japanese paper to finish. I have no idea what to do, and wandered into the lost path as I did before. People would just ask me to get a part-time job for the mean time, or do something productive for a change. I wanted to, but I cannot overcome my subconscious mind which is keeping me in this bubble for so long. It's as if I had the power to break free from this fragile bubble, but my body feels too weak to do so.

People might just think that I'm giving excuses, being lazy and am useless. Maybe that is what I am. That's how I feel, useless. When will I grow up? When will I be free from myself? Until I do, I will always feel like the loser I am. I am a nobody.


Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Awkward Moment..

Most gay boys would dream of being approached by a guy, preferably tall, handsome and rich. It would be even more flattering if they were approached by a guy outside any of the areas which is labeled as a gay pickup point such as in a gay club. Why? Well, would you(gays) approach some other guy if you're not sure if he is gay or not, especially around housing areas? It would take some balls and guts to do so. Either that or you're a total slut. LoL.

Well I for one have not been approached by any guy in real life before. Not even in gay clubs. Although I'm attached to a wonderful guy, it is still quite nice to feel wanted by people whom you don't know once awhile. But most of the time it's just me, myself and I. That changed today, when I got approached by a guy in the lift at the flat that I'm staying.

It wasn't even close to any of my fantasies. It all started when I was waiting for the lift below and there were few other people there as well. One foreign guy was looking at me and he smiled to me. Out of courtesy, I smiled back as it was normal for me to return smiles. Once we stepped into the lift, he didn't stop looking at me and I felt very awkward but I just ignored him.

Soon after, everyone else had already reached their floors and went out, leaving me and the guy alone. My place is quite high up so there were few more floors to go before reaching my destination. The guy then approached me and introduced himself as Aknash, or something like that, and I shook his hand and introduced myself as Gary. LoL. He then said that he has a problem, asked me if I could help him and put his left hand in his pants at the crotch area! Zzz.

Lucky for me, the lift reached my floor and I went out quickly, saying I wasn't interested. I guess it was my fault for smiling to another guy in the first place. Sigh. This was not the type of person I had in my mind to be approaching me. After reaching home, a thought came to my mind. What if the guy was some good looking chinese with a nice body? Would I feel the same way or would I go for it? Would you?


Monday, January 05, 2009

Spongebob and Patrick..

Sorry dear, didn't take a picture together with you. But you know that my hair was terrible when we went out that night. In fact, it is always in a mess. Maybe I should straighten it again.


Sunday, January 04, 2009

New Year's Eve Under The Sea..

On 31st December 2008, Spongebob and Patrick went out to celebrate New Year's Eve in Bukit Bintang. As Spongebob had lots of time, he went to buy tickets in GSC Pavilion for the movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua, 8.45 pm. After that, he went to read the book that he was following in Times Bookstore, while waiting for Patrick to arrive with his sister.

Soon after they arrived, the three of them went to eat at McDonald's before going to their movie. In the cinema, Spongebob met a person who he once considered a friend. They didn't speak to each other, but just smiled and waved as courtesy. The movie was entertaining and nice, but Spongebob felt that it was only worth watching once.

After the movie, they met up with Spongebob's friend who was waiting for them below and headed towards Bukit Bintang. It was already very crowded with people, couples here and there, groups of friends all over. As they got nearer to their destination, it became more dangerous as there were more people spraying those party foams, or whatever you call it.

Spongebob could not take much of it, as he was made of sponge. The toxic air could easily seep into his body and poison him, so they tried their best to avoid getting "attacked" so they pushed themselves into crowds. It was suffocating but they managed to push their way through and found a safe spot. Once they secured a spot, they waiting patiently for the countdown.

The atmosphere became noisier as the time for countdown draws nearer. As it was time, everyone started to countdown loudly, FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!! and started spraying those poisonous liquids again. After that, there was a display of fireworks and everyone looked at it with awe. Spongebob took a video of the fireworks display with his handphone as he wanted to share it with everyone else. After that, they went back to their pineapple home under the sea, all tired but enjoyed their simple evening out.