Monday, April 23, 2007

Dream World..

"Pisceans tend to withdraw into a dream world.."

A dream world is a place where all our thoughts on how life should be come to life.. We tend to mould a perfect place in our dream world where everything happens according to our idealistic thoughts.. But when we dream too much.. As such for a piscean.. We mix up our dreams with reality.. And when that happens.. We mix up our expectations as well.. Expectations that would seldom be achieved in reality.. When things don't go the way we expect them to be.. Our mood starts to crumble.. As such.. I'm not in a very good mood now..

"Their natures tend to be too otherworldly for the practical purposes of living in this world as it is. They exist emotionally rather than rationally, instinctively more than intellectually."

Few weeks back I wrote a post about friends.. Through that post.. It might make someone feel as if I'm someone realistic.. Someone who don't depend on their friends that much.. Someone who treats their friends just like anyone else.. But deep inside.. I'm someone who is never rational.. Someone who is weak.. Someone who depends on his friends.. Someone whose mood is always affected by the people around him.. Someone who needs recognition from his so-called group of friends.. Someone who wants to feel that he belongs to the group..

"Their faults are exasperating rather than vicious. They can be oversubtle, oversensitive and overemotional."

During the start of my 1st semester in my new course of education.. I was quite happy as I felt as if I belong to the group of people that I mix with in my class.. But as time passes by.. The feeling of being isolated starts flowing in.. Some might say I'm too sensitive but from the looks of it.. What I felt is true.. I can't judge whether it was me or them who changed as I would be influenced by my own feelings.. So I asked one of my friend as he felt the changes too.. I asked him whether it was me drifting away from the group or was the group drifting away from me.. He didn't know as well and told me not to think so much.. What else could I do then..

Life is mean.. You do so much to adapt to the majority.. You speak Mandarin to them.. You help them out in assignments.. You do them favors.. You kept them well informed of the happenings in college.. And what do you get in return? What do I get in return? Nothing.. No acknowledgement from anyone.. To get them to speak in English with me is hard enough.. Asking them to practise Japanese with me is like asking them to swim to Australia.. To make things worse.. We have another Japanese paper coming soon in our 5th semester.. And now I can't even remember the basics that we learnt.. Why? I have no one to practise with..

They didn't even plan something for me for my birthday.. When I invited them to go for dinner at Pizza Hut with me paying half the amount.. They even declined my invitation when they have nothing to do at home.. It might not seem important for most people but for me.. It was a very important day.. Even Robb's classmate came.. My group of friends? Lost.. Maybe I wasn't in their group in the first place.. Maybe they find me out of their frequency.. I just don't belong anywhere..

Even Justin seem to be closer to them these days.. I consider him and Yi Kang to be 2 of my closest friend in college.. But for Justin to be staying under the same roof with me.. I got too used to his company.. It might be due to this that I'm feeling a little jealous as he has been mixing around with them more than me these few weeks.. I have no right to say who is he to mix with and not to mix with.. But still I'm jealous of him.. Jealous that he has so many people to chat and laugh along with..

"When they feel themselves rejected, lonely or failures, or simply through feeble self-indulgence, they will find refuge in drugs or the bottle."

Exams are just around the corner and I still haven't started reading anything.. I guess I should just drop all these nonsense and concentrate on my studies.. But as you know.. All is easier said than done.. Now I just feel like walking down to the nearest 7-11 and buy few bottles of alcohol to drink while listening to Linkin Park's songs.. Drugs are definitely a no-no.. Maybe I should just finish up the remaining Jack Daniel's on top of my fridge and go to sleep.. That should do.. Sigh.. Goodnight..

~§hö©kWävê~

8 comments:

KyonMin said...

I sometimes feel my friends ditch me out too.
Sigh.
But don't worry. At least you still have your dear!
Cheer up! =)

Anonymous said...

What happened to your boyfriend?

nineteenseventyfive said...

I know that as fellow bloggers, we just barely know each other, but you have been more than just a face and name behind a blog. You have become a friend to us. Take heart coz you have fellow bloggers who will look out for you if u just ask.

Hugs

Zach said...

Boyfriend and friends are 2 different things..

conan_cat said...

hey man... first of all, high five, i'm a piscean here too. :)

and yes it does happen, especially in college... when you thought that they're friends, they don't necessary think you as one. i once been through that too, and yes i must say that my college friends are still not as close to me as what i had back in secondary school.

and so, i stick with my bf all the time... haha. and my choir mates.

try to find another place of belonging if you can, ok? try to chat more with another group of friends, or step out of college and look for activities in something that you like, say drama or music or sports. maybe you can find another place of belonging.

pisceans really need the support a lot. i am one too so i know :) i'm sure robb will support you all da time...

Tech-Tronic said...

hmmm... a typical pisceans can change. if u want. it's abt how strong u can be. ur fortunate to have a bf to fall back to. even though its different compared to friends and the quantity of them but its better than nothing and its the quality dat counts. not many so call frens stick to u thru the passage of time. frens come n go. learn how to let go as zarrien said. make new ones as i said. :P it doesnt stop there.

Zach said...

Thanks for the support guys.. I'm fine now.. I just need to write it out.. ^^

Sweet Cheeks said...

been thru that phase before. wat's worse was those ppl who pushed me aside and talked behind my back were my only closest friends. friends who suck up to me in the beginning and realise that i have nothing to offer then turn my back on me. i had no other friends here to turn to. was sad and hurt.

but i knew i'm better than that. i took a step back. mix around with new people and now i'm as happy as a chipmunk. finally i got some fresh air to breath.

just look around look for other friends. sometimes people may laugh and have a great time together but something just don't click. its like its meant not to be. so when you noe its not its time to look for others.

sorry i kapsiao so much. i tend to ramble without stop *grins*