Self Esteem..

"Believe not in yourself, but the people who believe in you"

For someone who is low on self esteem such as me, this particular comment in Facebook by a friend of mine is quite suitable for me.

~§hö©kWävê~

Ripples..

Sitting alone in Coffee Bean with nothing to do made me feel like pouring my soul into this this silent place again. With so many things happening lately, I wonder how much difference would it make in the lives of Malaysians. Would it be enough to finally turn this country around for a new start? No one knows what the future holds, but those brave enough to start this ripple of change will definitely make a difference in stirring the emotions of others who are afraid to stand up and defend their rights. I for one have been affected, though not much, but still it's a start. I was never interested in politics, but to see so much lies and unjust that we have suffered, I guess I should take more interest in what is happening around the country or at least register to be a voter. Yes, I'm 26 and I have yet to register. 

This is indeed a sad country. To fear those that were supposed to protect us, to be told lies by those who were supposed to lead us, and to suffer the consequences of their greed. If things do not change, I wonder how many people will flee this forsaken place. There is still hope as more and more of the younger generations are taking interest to fight for what is rightfully theirs, and not just cower at home like me. Let's just hope the ripple of change will grow big enough to make a difference before there is no hope left in the hearts of those brave people fighting for our freedom.

As for myself, a person who is not comfortable with change, has been going through situations where changes are necessary. I left my idle job as a concierge early this year, right before Chinese New Year and got myself a higher pay job in a call centre. I did not leave in a proper way, as the manager was not keen on letting me go and was not very cooperative when I wanted to find a solution with him for me to leave early. Started on the new job and was fine at first, but started to feel the toll of working shift hours terribly. Had to work during hours where everyone else was free, and was free when everyone else are working. It reached the point where I unwillingly had to force myself to go to work everyday.

I then that I want to find a more stable job, especially in the working hours. I did not search hard though and took my time as usual, as I am in my comfortable zone. Somehow I landed myself an interview with a company that sells products to hotels, and was given quite a good offer and it seemed like a nice place to work as it is not a big company, which means less politics as well. After going through the second interview, I was offered the job and could start as soon as I can. Took me a while to finally decide to leave my current job and take a risk in this new offer. I wasn't sure that I could cope with this new job as I have never been in this line before and it took some convincing from Robb and few of my close friends that I could do it.

However, when I finally spoke to my boss regarding my resignation, I was told that he actually knew about this issue and wanted to propose something else to me. I wonder which colleague of mine told him this =.='. He was actually planning to switch me to another department where the working hours are fixed and I can have one of the weekends off for certain, instead of working shift hours and having off days on weekdays like what I am having now. It is sort of a promotion, and he was even planning to send me to Bangkok with few others for a week to work in the main office. Hearing this itself was attractive enough to make me stay as it made me felt like I was valued in this company, as there were few others who tendered resignation recently and they were not asked to stay. I'm not sure how true is it that my boss had this plan since the beginning, but it made me feel like I'm not useless, even though it was just a brief feeling before I revert back to the low self-esteem me.  

Making decisions is something that I'm never good at, and to think that I have to make another decision after I have forced myself to resign. Blah. After another round of mental torture, I finally decided to stay on and see where this road will lead me. Robb says that my career is progressing slowly, all I see is more stress added to my life and less hair on my head =.='. Hopefully I can handle, as with more salary comes greater responsibilities, and less savings. Lol. Felt good to be able to write smoothly again. =)

~§hö©kWävê~