Saturday, March 31, 2007

The Good Old Days..

I have been looking through some old pictures of mine during my college years in Penang.. It has been quite some time since I felt so out of touch with my own history.. Everyone in the pictures are now so far apart from me.. Far in distance as well as the heart.. I hardly keep in touch with any of them now.. But it seems that it's not only me who is drifting away.. I guess it just happens to everyone at one point of our lives.. Made me realise that it is of no use to ponder on the past when time is always moving forward.. Even so.. As a human being we're always having problems of letting go those memories that are best forgotten.. Some of us will use it to our best advantage.. Learning from the experience that had been brought upon us.. Meanwhile.. Others tend to dwell on those memories.. Letting it control them instead of making good use of it..

Which one do I belong to then? I find myself hanging in the middle as usuall.. Never really sure of where I belong.. I have always been drifting from one place to another.. Never really left any markings on people's heart.. Never really belonged to a group of friends.. Never really achieved any goals as there were none to start with.. You can say I always go with the flow.. Some people might say it is a good thing to be able to adapt to different surroundings as I was never really rooted to one place.. But it is the sense of belongness that actually makes a person feel alive.. Feel appreciated.. Feel wanted.. Isn't it?

It has been awhile since I've managed to blurt out such thoughts of mine.. Looking through my 1st few posts when I started this blog made me realize the changes in me.. It seems that I can no longer write like I used to.. Or use words that I could hardly think of now.. What happened to my vocab? Is it the lack of writing and reading that made me this way? Or is it the company that I hang out with for the last 2 years.. I'm not sure.. All I know is that my level of vocab and the way I speak or write are no longer as good as it used to be.. Not that I'm very good at it to start with but still.. It has deteriorated..

The only good thing that has happened to me was having Robb as my companion.. The rest.. Well.. I've gained weight.. I've become much lazier than I used to be.. I've had some hair problems.. Secret.. XD Not consistant in any language although I can speak English, Mandarin, Cantonese, Malay, Hokkien and a little of Japanese.. Ah.. Can't think of any more now but rest assured there are lots more flaws in me.. One could say that I should do something about it instead of complaining.. Well.. Were you even reading? Have you ever seen any lazy assholes move their feet or shall I say butt to get something? I don't think so.. Maybe once in a blue moon.. It is like some sort of a virus in me.. Nothing can be done unless my brain installs some anti-virus software and get rid of it.. Till then.. We shall see..

As I have said.. Robb is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life.. Having him gone for 3 days is bad enough.. Having my housemates (the only people I mix with nowadays) gone as well is terrible! The monster that resides beneath the darkness inside me slowly awakens.. Everyone has that monster in them.. It is called "Loneliness".. It kept me awake till 4.00 or 5.00a.m. last night and made me feel kinda moody.. Will have to wait till tomorrow when Robb comes home and brightens up my life again.. And now.. Back to my songs.. Chaoz..


1 comment:

Tech-Tronic said...

hiayo miss ur dear so much ah. understd geh.