End of the World..

Last night, I had a very disturbing dream. I can't quite remember the details but it was sort of the end of the world, and I was somehow apart from Robb. We were anxiously looking for each other as there wasn't any means of communication. I remembered feeling very depressed and sad, not wanting to be apart from him till the very last moment of my breath. Soon after, a miracle happened and we managed to find each other. We ran into each other's arms and I hugged him tightly. I woke up in tears.

There were few other occasions where I dreamt of Robb leaving me, and me waking up crying and hugging him tightly. These kinda dreams always make me realize how much I cannot live without him, and I don't think I could ever be apart from him for a long period of time. If the earth is really dying, I would want to spend my remaining time with him, right till our very last breath. There's nothing I wouldn't give to be with him till the very end.

Dear dear, please don't ever leave me. I need you just like our earth needs the sun. You shine your love upon me and warm me up from within. Without you, I'll be covered in darkness just as I was lost before knowing you. Without you, coldness will creep up and freeze me from within just as loneliness did before you appeared in my life. So, know that I will always love you with all my heart and soul. Muaks!

~§hö©kWävê~

The Tiger Run..

There was no real tiger involved in this run, maybe just bloggers drunk with Tiger Beer in their belly. It was another one of Nuffnang's events and I was helping out as usual, but this was the first time I got paid for it!

Anyway, today was supposed to be my off day and I was supposed to be able to sleep as much as I can. But since I was working in the event, we had to be there early for some briefing as well as setting up the place. The part-timers were supposed to reach Jaya One around 12pm for the briefing so we left around 11am and reached in half hour's time. Apparently, all of them were late. Some even arrived at 1.30pm. =.=

The weather was crazy as usual, scorching hot during the morning, cloudy during the afternoon, and rained in the evening. Lucky for the bloggers as they had already finished running, unlucky for the part-timers as we had to clear up the cones all along the road. Not all of us though as some of them were hiding under the shelter, chatting away while leaving some boxes outside to get soaked under the rain. How useful of them.

One of the part-timers is quite cute actually, and he got wet along with me as we were the only ones loading the cones back into the truck. I can't remember his name though, have to ask my housemate tomorrow and stalk him in Facebook. LoL. After spending one whole day sweating, standing, carrying stuff and getting wet, our job is finally done. Since me and the cute guy was the only ones who got wet, we each had a 'I Love Tiger' t-shirt from Robb to change.

The rest of the part-timers left soon after we got paid (Yay!), and I lingered around taking pictures, drinking Tiger Beer and savaging their chicken wings. Wasn't really feeling comfortable though as my feet were still soaking wet, and so is my head as I was wearing a cap. There was a lion tiger dance performance before they gave out the prizes to the winners, not quite sure who won though as I wasn't paying any attention. After everything is done, me, Robb and Fresh were one of the last who left the place. Had to take a cab outside as none of us drove. 

It was a productive day for me and fun as well even though it was quite tiring. I even managed to earn RM100 on my day off! Well, hopefully I can sleep tonight as it has been a long and tiring day for me. Gonna be heading to the gym tomorrow after work (hopefully!) as I've already skipped three days. Need to tone up a little before heading back to Penang and gain fats. 

Oh and before I forget, Sixth Seal grabbed fondled touched my butt! LoL.

~§hö©kWävê~

Sick..

I've been feeling sick since last week, having flu and coughing on and off. It has been disturbing my gym routine somehow and it is quite annoying to be working when my nose is always blocked. Went to see a doctor this morning to get some medication and also a medical certificate for my absence from work today. It wasn't necessary but I was feeling lazy and needed some rest at home since I didn't get any sleep the night before and have been working the entire week. 

The weather has been acting up real bad lately. One moment it is raining..

No not this Rain. This rain..

And before you realize it, the sun is shining..

Been hearing that quite a lot of people are falling sick lately as well. I thought it was only me as I usually fall sick before Chinese New Year but I guess this time it's due to the weather. Hopefully everyone recovers soon so we can all enjoy our holidays back with our family. I'll be heading back to Penang this coming Friday, and will be eating like mad since it has been a very long time since I've went back. There goes my 3 weeks of gym sessions. But what the heck, I live to eat. xD

~§hö©kWävê~

Year of the Tiger..

Since it's a new year, I should try to write in a different style and a different pace. I used to write whenever I'm feeling emotional or down. I would say it is more of a habit, since I started this blog with that type of writing. There's no harm in it but it would be better if I could write when I'm feeling happy as well, instead of having a writer's block. So, I would like to try out with this first post of the year, although it is a little too late since it's already February.

Been working for almost a year now, and although I'm heading nowhere, it's been quite a nice experience as all my co-workers are nice people. There's no not much backstabbing and politics as you can find in bigger companies, and I get extra tips once awhile. Even though some people might be unreasonable and being a bitch at times, that's just expected as I'm in the service line. Some tenants are very nice and might make your day a little better, even with just a word of appreciation.

Even so, I wonder if I would be changing jobs any time soon this year. I'm always uncertain of what I could do, and never make any efforts of changing my routine, especially when I'm used to it. But hopefully there will be a change of job someday as I can't be staying there forever. Maybe I could start applying to the Ministry of Tourism like my uncle advised me to.

Lately I have been craving to buy stuffs for myself as it has been a very long time since I've done so. Spent almost RM500 on things such as a pair of shoes, 2 t-shirts, 1 shirt, and 2 short pants. Thinking of getting myself a pair of jeans as well as mine are all worn out as I've been wearing them for years. My wardrobe is as plain as a straight guy's wardrobe, which is something that I'm trying to change as well as I've been wanting to look better these days.

I even joined a gym, Celebrity Fitness in Lot10, 3 weeks back. Been trying to go every single day since then. I did that on the first 2 weeks, but lately I've been going on alternate days as I'm not feeling that well and my shifts are changing all the time. I guess age is catching up, hence the feeling of wanting to keep my young looks. :P My body and health have to be in good shape as well, if not I wouldn't be able to keep Robb's attention all to myself. Hehe.

I guess having changes once awhile would do me good, since I've been saying that my life has been dull. I even bought tickets to Bangkok on July, but there aren't any proper plans yet so far. Would be nice if there were other people to go with, the more the merrier. The only problem is that we don't have much friends that we are close with, as we're mostly all by ourselves. But anyhow, it doesn't matter. July is still months away. xD

Chinese New Year is just around the corner, and as usual I am starting to fall sick, like I do every single year. I wonder why. Now I'm having flu and coughing on and off. The unpredictable weather is not helping as well as it always changes from raining and cold, to hot and humid. Hopefully I'll recover soon so I can enjoy my CNY back in Penang. Will be taking the whole week off and enjoy as much as I can back home since it has been a very long time since I've went back. Won't have access to my PC though, only way is to go to the cyber cafe.

Anyway, I'll try to update as frequent as I can, even on minor stuffs. I'll try to get more pictures on as well but for now it'll just be only words as it's quite late at night and I'm supposed to be working at 7am. Having a hard time sleeping as it's quite humid tonight, and I'm coughing non stop while having to blow my nose all the time. Would be taking leave tomorrow and visit the doctor as soon as possible. おやすみなさい。

~§hö©kWävê~

Jealousy..

One would think that I am about to write something about my relationship with Robb due to the title above. Well, my life does seem like it only revolves around Robb, which is sadly true in some sense. But no, this does not relate to him.

I'm a person who likes to go places and experience different cultures, lifestyles, and see all the wonderful sceneries that a destination might have. I think most people loves travelling as well. But so far, I have been stuck in KL most of the time. The only two places that I go to a lot is to work and back home. I don't even have much people to hang out with.

One of my classmates during college, is now travelling to most parts of the world. He has been working while travelling all around UK, making the most out of his youth and experiencing all that he can. Deep down inside of me, this is something that I wanted to experience. I kinda feel jealous every time I see pictures of him in different countries.

I'm not dissatisfied with my life with Robb, but I guess there's a small part of me that wanted to do all those things before settling down for good. Having to work different hours and Zuzu waiting for me at home, I guess there isn't much that can be done now. All I can do is to be happy for my friends that are able to go for their dreams no matter how hard their road is.

Guess I'm done being emo for now. Will try to update if anything interesting happens in my life, or if I have the time to hunt down my muse. Goodnitez.

Green eyed monster,
~§hö©kWävê~

iPhone 3GS..

This is me, updating this short post using my friend's iPhone. Seems like almost everyone is using either an iPhone or a Blackberry these days. I can see my friends updating their status anytime, anywhere. Makes me feel like getting one too, but too bad, I don't think I can afford one.

The past week had been excruciatingly hard to go through. Time seems endless when Robb is not around. But I survived, and two days later I will finally be able to see the love of my life. I certainly can't wait for the moment where we get to see and feel each other once again. Till then, I guess I will just have to wait.

~§hö©kWävê~

Without You..

We were hardly ever apart all through our 4 years and 7 days relationship, with the only exception of Chinese New Year and some short days when you went back to Ipoh or when I went back to Penang. So when you left for Singapore to work for 2 weeks, I felt completely lost. It felt like part of my heart and my soul left me, leaving this vessel empty.

I used to go to work with my heart eager to come home, so that I can wait for you or coming home to you waiting for me. Now, I go to work feeling empty inside and time passes by so slowly. Coming home has never felt so lonely as I always have you around me. Even Zuzu felt the loneliness without you. I felt the loneliness more when I go into our room, looking at the empty king sized bed, knowing that I alone would be the only one sleeping on it.

Even though lots of people said that it is only for 2 weeks and time will pass by in a blink of an eye, it felt almost like eternity to me. It is only the second day and I've already felt the effect of being without you, which made me realize how much I love you and can never ever be the same if you left me for good. Am I too dependent on you? Many would say that, but I do not care as you are the world to me. All I want is to be with you, breathe with you, and live with you.

I miss you lots..
~§hö©kWävê~

Chilis..

~§hö©kWävê~

4th Anniversary

Dearest Zach,

Today, it's the 4th year we've been together. We've gone through a lot of things together, haven't we?

Be it the sweet, tender moments of us being innocently in love with each other or the uncertainty and anxiety I caused you at times, we've been through that thick and thin. Our relationship wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't you who gave in to me.

In fact, it has always been that way since the start, where you gave in to me, by offering a free accommodation along with food for me to come to Penang where we met each other. Since then, it was always you who have been able to give everything to me, be it your care when I'm sick (since my antibody is a little weaker usually) and stood by me whenever I made any decisions. You've also tolerated how dirty/messy me as a person is and remained patient throughout my naughty acts all the time.

All I want to tell you, Zach dear dear is,

Today would be a day always fresh in your memory,
You have completed me rather than a girl;
Our love will burn bright, always eternally,
You are my everything in this world.

Cheers
Robb

Indulge in the Uniquely Singapore Experience

When I was small, me and my family would go to Singapore at least once a year to visit my grandmother, my uncle and his family. But since 12 years ago, we stopped going and I've missed Singapore since then. I don't quite remember the places I've been to but there still are some traces left in my head that I know of, such as Haw Par Villa and the famous Sentosa Island. Having a chance to go there again would be perfect for me to re-live my happy memories with my family there and also create new ones of my own. So if I were to visit Singapore again for only a day, I would have to plan it properly.

I would start off in the morning by visiting the Singapore Zoo, which is home to over 3,200 mammals, birds, reptiles and fishes. Since it's an open zoo, it is perfect for me to experience the rich lushness of the tropical rain forest with its thriving wildlife. Since I'm an animal lover, I would definitely enjoy it as Robb has been there before and he told me that it is nicer than the zoo in Malaysia. I would definitely want to see the white tigers there as I've always loved tigers.


Next up, I would like to head to Sentosa Island, and visit the Underwater World and the Dolphin Lagoon. I'm actually a water person, as in I feel calm and relaxed whenever I'm around watery areas, such as by the sea or even a swimming pool. I would love to watch the pink dolphins demonstrate their charms and skills, and if the timing is right, I would even want to swim with them as they have limited sessions as well. The underwater world would also be a perfect place to see what's it like living in the ocean, surrounded by majestic sea creatures.

Before heading back from Sentosa Island during the evening, I would want to visit the Sentosa Merlion. It is a stretched out 37-metre version of the statue by the Singapore River, which is lit up at night and shoots lasers from its eyes. There's an elevator up into its mouth where I can gaze out over the nearby Port of Singapore. The Merlion is the signature of Singapore, and I would think that one could not be considered to have visited Singapore if he or she did not take at least one picture with the Merlion.

Having spent the entire day outdoors with nature, it is time for some shopping at Orchard Road, the epicenter of Singapore's shopping and entertainment industry. I remember visiting Orchard Road during Christmas when I was small, and it was a very beautiful place. It would be nice to be here during Christmas season again, where the roads and shops will be beautifully lit and decorated. Clarke Quay is not to be missed as well as it is the perfect spot to hang out and chill while enjoying the night life by the river side.

There are many other places in Singapore that is a must-visit, but these would be my dream destinations if I were to visit Singapore for only a day.

Indulge in the Uniquely Singapore experience.

~§hö©kWävê~

It’s Krrunch Time, Get Playful!

Life has been dull for me lately, with my work being so routine and not much time to go anywhere else. Lucky for me, Nuffnang is organizing an event on the 23rd of November! The Nuffnang Blog Awards is going to be very happening and Krrunch as bloggers from Malaysia, Singapore, Philippines and Australia will be gathering in Singapore on that very day! Bloggers who send in their blog entries about this stand a chance to be invited to this very exclusive and Krrunch event, so here I am trying my luck to change my boring month into a very Krrunch month!

Zuzu is not very accepting if there's something new or strange that he hasn't seen before. So whenever we buy something new, such as a new toy or a box of something, he'll be curious about it but in the same time act strangely towards that particular item. So when we placed a can of Pringles on the floor, Zuzu was curiously looking at it, and at the same time keeping a distance as if he were afraid of it. But once I opened the lid, he did what he always does when he sensed food.

He'll be all over you and trying his very best to make you feed him! You can ask him to do anything, well anything that he has learned to do, and he'll do it obediently. That was how he was taught to do the tricks that he knows currently, with food as his prize. Zuzu will look at you with his adorable face, practically begging to be fed. We had a very Krrunch time, playing with Zuzu and taking pictures of him while he was chasing after it.

Zuzu was all over the can of Pringles as he already knew that it contains food inside. It was truly a Krrunch night, as we spent precious time together, enjoying the moment. So here it is, my blog post for 'Its Krrunch Time, Get Playful' for the Nuffnang Blog Awards. Hopefully I can get chosen as it would really be Krrunch to be attending such a big event.


~§hö©kWävê~

What is there to blog when..

..I work six days a week in a place where everything is just routine.

..I don't have anywhere to go after work other than home.

..I don't have my own circle of friends to hang out with.

..my working time clashes with everyone's free time.

..nothing interesting happens at work.

..all I do is stare at my computer screen at home or play with Zuzu.

..the only person I can hang out with is Robb, and we don't go places much.

~§hö©kWävê~

Bad Day..

It all started last night, when I was about to go back from work. My shift yesterday was from 12PM to 8PM. The weather was fine the whole day, until the clock strikes 7PM and it started to go all windy and cloudy, signaling a rainy night. Still, there wasn't a single drop of rain and I was praying for it to stay that way until I reached home as I was riding my 7 year old motorbike to work. When it was time to go, I rushed up to the office and punched out my card. I then opened the door to the car park, and it started to rain. FML.

So I stayed back in the office, logged in to my Facebook and waited for the rain to stop. Since Robb is still in the office, we planned to eat pizza in his office with his colleagues. After 30 minutes, the rain began to subside and it was safe to ride to Robb's office. I was supposed to pick up the pizza in Yellow Cab, nearby Robb's office, before going up. On the way there, there was a part of the road that was flooded with water. I was in front of all the cars as the traffic light was red. When the light went green, I accelerated slowly as there was water around, but the car to my right sped up and splashed the water all over me. FML.

I was then all cold and wet, but I still continued to Yellow Cab as it was just nearby. Once I reached the place, I parked my motorbike at the roadside and went in to collect the pizza. It was still drizzling at that time, but it did not make any difference since I was already wet. When I came out, I saw my bike lying sideways beside the road. Apparently it fell down as I just used the side stand and the road was uneven. The front handle for my brake broke, and the side mirror was out of place. Now I have to spend extra money to fix up my motorbike. FML.

Today, there was supposed to be 3 people working during the morning shift, including me. But one of my colleague called in sick when I reached the office, and left 2 of us, one in each tower. And there wasn't anyone else coming in at 12PM, so it was kinda hard for us to go for our break. Lucky for us, our supervisor arrange for one of the part-timer to come in at 12PM, and we can leave for our break one at a time. So I called up my godbro as he was going to Pavilion with his boyfriend, and I wanted to meet up with them. I arranged my break time to be at 1PM so that my colleague can go for his break earlier.

The whole morning was uneventful, which was nice as there wasn't enough people around. By noon, my colleague went for his break when the part timer came. Half an hour later, that's when my bad luck continued to strike, again. I was already very hungry at that time, waiting for my colleague to come back so I can go for my lunch. Out of nowhere, I heard someone shouting from behind the lift area. One of the tenant was grabbing one guy's arm, shouting furiously towards him. I recognized the other guy as one of the real estate agents, and was wondering what had happened.

Apparently, this real estate agent, I'll just call him R, got hold of this tenant's house key, somehow, and went to open his door when the tenant was inside with his family. When R saw that there was someone inside he quickly closed the door and wanted to leave. But the tenant saw him and quickly called out to him, grabbing him in the arm and brought him down to the lobby, where I was working. To cut things short, it involved quite a number of people, things got messy, and my break time got delayed. To make it worse, I had a gastric attack, probably due to the stress and the hunger. It was quite a long time ago when I had gastric and somehow it surfaced again, during this situation. FML.

I walked with the uncomfortable feeling all the way to Pavilion, and had Koay Teow Soup as it was the only thing I could eat, besides porridge. My godbro and his boyfriend was there to accompany me and they were nice enough to hear me rant about my lousy day and bought me some medicine for my gastric. Thankfully, it worked and the pain subsided. We walked around a little and I got to know his boyfriend a bit as this was the first time that I've met him. Though it was just a brief meeting, it was nice and nothing bad has happened since then, hopefully.

I'm working again tomorrow, and the day after, and after, when everyone else is having their holidays. And after what happened today, I rather it be boring than to face such a situation again. Sigh. Got to go to bed now, morning shift again. Chao.

p.s. I just realized that I have a wound on my leg, and I have no idea how it got there. FML -.-

~§hö©kWävê~

09 September 2009..

Today is another one of those special dates that gives people a reason to celebrate! Although 09.09.09 is not really a nice number but you don't get this day every single year. Coincidentally, I asked my housemate how to write 'I love you' in Chinese as I've forgotten how to write it and he thought I wanted to write it to Robb for this occasion when I didn't even notice the date. LoL.

Maybe I should celebrate it with Robb with a bottle of red wine, should I? A perfect excuse for me to open up a bottle and it wouldn't do me much harm as I'm working night shift tomorrow. Robb is working in the morning though, so I guess not. Oh well, I suck in writing happy posts and now I'm out of ideas.

I did change something in my house though. My PC is no longer situated in the living room beside Robb's PC, as it is now in the room beside our bed. The room is kinda crowded now with so many things in it, not to mention our king size bed. But this way, I get to hide in my room and not see anything or anyone that I don't feel like seeing at that moment. I have more privacy as well, if you know what I mean.

Had a brief dinner with my KL uncle's family yesterday and also one of my cousin from Singapore that I have not seen for over 10 years. He looks exactly like a younger version of his father, my uncle from Singapore. He's tanned from work and looks as thin as a stick. We didn't talk much though. As usual, my uncle (he's also the stingy landlord of mine who does not want to replace the faulty and cheap washing machine) keep asking me to leave my job and look for another one. Sigh.

I'm not close to anyone from my family, not even my own brother. There seems to be a barrier around me whenever I'm around them, and I sort of become someone who is not exactly who I am when I'm not with them. Guess it's a habit as I was always keeping everything to myself last time, during my depressed period. I kinda miss some of my old secondary school friends now, those that were the first few who I've told about my sexuality. They were friends that I could really share everything with, as they trust me enough to share their secrets too.

Over here, the only person I could really share everything with is Robb. Others might be there to listen, but they're not exactly people you can trust your deep dark secrets with, as they do not share theirs. They tend to wear a mask. No matter how sincere they appear to be, there will always be a thin layer of mask, covering their true self. Honesty is not something that could be gained here.

Bah, enough with all these negative thoughts. Have to sleep earlier to keep my face looking as young as it is now. :P

24 that looks like 18,
~§hö©kWävê~

Piano..

I had a sudden urge to write something while I was listening to my list of Final Fantasy songs with my Windows Media Player. These songs always put me in a mood which I can't describe. It's like a mixture of happy, yet sad feelings, or something magical and dreamy. One thing for sure is that it makes me feel very relaxed. It brings me to a place where reality does not exist, and anything could happen, exactly as it is in any Final Fantasy series.

Times like this make me regret not learning how to play the piano when I was young. I had the opportunity to learn so many things actually. My mum used to ask me whether I wanted to learn how to play piano, or go for proper swimming lessons, tennis lessons, bowling lessons, or any other activities. But I rejected everything. Every time I get moody, I feel that it would be nice if I just had a piano and play all the songs that can express all my desires, my feelings, my dreams, IF I knew how to play.

People born under the horoscope sign of Pisces are known to be creative and artistic. So far, I haven't found anything creative nor artistic about myself. Maybe I would be one if I knew how to play the piano. I used to be in the music team for my primary school. We were all blowing the Recorder, something which I was quite good at. Maybe that's why I'm gay? LoL. I remember myself enjoying the practice sessions as well as all the performances that my team did. I wasn't good in reading the music notes though, just more to remembering the songs.

Back in Penang, I can go to the beaches at night, listen to the sound of the waves while the sea breeze flows around me, putting me at ease and blows away all my troubles. Here, all I have are my songs, which is not much. I miss how the sea makes my body and my mind melt into nothingness and loosen up. The surroundings in KL just bottles up stress into people, no matter how carefree your life is in KL. I guess I'm not really a city person, although it is enjoyable but too much of it is harmful to the soul.

I can just imagine myself playing the piano, with all the mixed emotions rushing through my body to my fingertips, transforming them into music, which expresses any persons emotions more effectively rather than using words.

~§hö©kWävê~